Steve Hammil Counseling

Intimate relationships can be one of life's greatest joys.... and one of life's greatest frustrations. Often at the same time!

The key to successful relationship counseling is to first create a space of mutual respect for the feelings that drew you together; to be able to simply be with one another

The second goal is to identify how each of you seek closeness and to understand what unconscious expectations you might have associated with being close (intimate)

The third goal is to see how these expectations might be at odds and so creating conflict and other distressing ways of interacting that are personally frustrating and painful

Broadly speaking the ultimate goal is to eliminate any fears, adjust your expectations, and as a result develop healthier ways of interacting that create a relationship that fosters deep connection while respecting and valuing individual differences

Along the way communication and problem solving skills will be looked at as well as other indicators of a stable, happy relationship. To find out more and to talk in person schedule a free get acquainted session by calling Steve at 206-661-2854 or emailing me at steve@stevehammil.com.

Misconceptions about couples*...

• Listening with empathy by both partners is essential. Research says not exactly... No one likes to be attacked, but the happy couple does not escalate
• Anger is a destructive force. Research says not necessarily... Contempt and defensiveness are better predictors of breakup
• Chronic miscommunication is the primary problem most of the time. Research says not so... Unfortunately communication is often quite clear - and quite hostile - in distressed couples
• Poor problem solving then? Nope... Many problems have to be managed, not solved
• How about talking about how we communicate? Not so much. It is how the analysis is used that counts

*Reference: The Marriage Clinic, John Gottman, 1999.